Baby Belle’s 1st month

“Life doesn’t come with a manual. It comes with a Mother”

My motherhood has begun the minute I realised I was pregnant. I was delighted when We found out That we were going to have Baby Belle on 13th November 2018 (in Korea). I had severe morning sicknesses for the first few months and I wasn’t in the greatest health during my pregnancy. Hubs and I don’t have the slightest clue on parenting and hence, we spend a great deal on baby stuffs, medical check ups, and etc. I was overjoyed though at the thought of your arrival. I definitely slack a lot by working less, cancelling all my outstation trips and also level of efficiency in work drop tremendously. Mommy just can’t wait for your arrival.

You gave me non-obvious signs. I wasn’t even aware that I was already leaking on 23rd June night. Contractions weren’t obvious either. Hubs took me for check up at the private clinic the next morning. When he realised I have been leaking (like urines) the whole night, Hubs insists that I should go to the government clinic. I was found leaking and my entrance has already open up to 3cm. What a surprise to us all! The doctor wrote me a letter and told me to get to the hospital at once. Hubs took me home to shower and had lunch before sending me to the hospital. I could deliver on that day itself.

Contractions was really bad after being induced. I couldn’t forget the pain and the hours in labour room. Now and then, the nurses and trainees will come and check my entrance to see if I would open up to 10cm. By the time it was dark, I couldn’t feel myself anymore. All I remember was someone asking me to “PUSH” and I did for a few times. You came out! Our Baby Belle Tan.

Mommy was delighted when the nurse place you on my chest. “Skin to skin” contact with you was surreal. Then they took you away for consultation. I had to get my wounds sewn which is another torture. I couldn’t believe I just went through the most unexpected and strangest experience.

I am a Mommy bear now…

Things wasn’t as smooth as I imagined it would be. On the 3rd day after Belle was born, Hubs and confinement lady had to take baby to the hospital to test her jaundice level and It turns out That her jaundiced level was high and had to be admitted to the hospital. Hubs did not bring back my baby daughter that afternoon and I insist to go to the hospital. New mommies are always emotional (especially during confinement). I broke down crying helplessly the minute I saw my daughter in the box, wearing nothing but just diapers. I hated myself for not having enough breast milk for her.

This is truly the worst experience I had after giving birth. The government hospital doesn’t allow bottle feedings. Both my nipples was injured badly because Belle did not suck it properly during the first two days. Hence, I couldn’t do direct latching. I was being scolded and spotted by the nurses there so they gave me difficult time. I don’t care. I just want to bring my baby back home.
Belle grew up to be a pretty baby. She weren’t easy to handle. Partly I believe she was traumatised during her two nights stay in the hospital (when she got jaundiced). She is insecure and just wanted people to be near her.
Time flies. Baby Belle is finally one month old and is ready to go out to meet people. Mommy and Daddy really hope that you will grow up healthy. Thank you for coming into our lives.

I love you very much my precious Baby Belle. My dream is to become a Mommy Bear and having my own family. Now that Baby Belle came to me, there’s so much I wanted to do with her. For e.g. Visit Disneyland together, play with doll house, wear matching clothes and etc etc.

Thank you God for making me a Mommy Bear.

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