Second month has been a huge challenge. So I will write as if I am still dwelling in those past moments. My confinement lady ended her duty officially and now, We are all on our own. Being a new Mommy, I am filled with anxieties and emotions. Many a times, I went into the room which the confinement aunty slept in during her stay and stare blankly in daze, hoping that she will come back again. Not to mention I cried a great deal. It isn’t because I don’t love my baby or afraid of her. Perhaps I wasn’t ready to deal with Baby Belle alone. I guess the main reason is due to the fact that one month passes by swiftly and I wasn’t ready to move into a new chapter where I have to move in with my in-laws and let my Mother-in-law took over Belle. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t detest my Mother-in-law. I am just disgusted at the fact that I have to work and can’t be a full time Mommy to Belle. My heart is in dilemma. We are not financially independence and yet I don’t want to miss any single stages of Belle’s life. I hated my husband so much at that moment as he kept telling me in a very logical way about how we have to give in to the society. Well maybe he’s right but Oh come on! I told him so many times that women are made out of water and I don’t need him to talk me over with his majestic logical senses. I just need someone to feel how I feel. Best way to react when your wife is ranting – Just shut up, listens and nod your head.
I enjoyed the feeling of having my daughter close to me, especially during latching. I am also thankful that my job is kinda flexible and that I am able to spend more time with her. I really don’t like to leave her alone when she needed her Mommy close to her. Sometimes when I got back late, I heard her crying and screaming, searching for my nipple. Two months has been great! Let’s look forward to see your growth.