Second month has been a huge challenge. So I will write as if I am still dwelling in those past moments. My confinement lady ended her duty officially and now, We are all on our own. Being a new Mommy, I am filled with anxieties and emotions. Many a times, I went into the room which the confinement aunty slept in during her stay and stare blankly in daze, hoping that she will come back again. Not to mention I cried a great deal. It isn’t because I don’t love my baby or afraid of her. Perhaps I wasn’t ready to deal with Baby Belle alone. I guess the main reason is due to the fact that one month passes by swiftly and I wasn’t ready to move into a new chapter where I have to move in with my in-laws and let my Mother-in-law took over Belle. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t detest my Mother-in-law. I am just disgusted at the fact that I have to work and can’t be a full time Mommy to Belle. My heart is in dilemma. We are not financially independence and yet I don’t want to miss any single stages of Belle’s life. I hated my husband so much at that moment as he kept telling me in a very logical way about how we have to give in to the society. Well maybe he’s right but Oh come on! I told him so many times that women are made out of water and I don’t need him to talk me over with his majestic logical senses. I just need someone to feel how I feel. Best way to react when your wife is ranting – Just shut up, listens and nod your head.
As I mentioned right in the beginning, Baby Belle is different from any other babies. Her sleeping patterns sucks. She doesn’t sleep much during the day and she doesn’t sleep much during the night either. What’s worst, we cannot leave her for even a second. She is like a detector. She could be sound asleep but the second when you move a bit, she wakes up and starts crying her lungs out. It doesn’t matter so much if she is awake and play all by herself but she cries and screams like nobody’s businesses. You know what? She has weird sleeping postures as well. She likes to sleep on me and in a most dangerous ways. We nearly get heart attack every single time! I wonder where she inherited all these bad habits from.
Baby Belle vomits after every meals which is why we have to take her to the doctors. Doctor said she might be having reflux and suggested us to change her formula if we are offering her any. This leads on to my next topic – BREASTFEEDING JOURNEY
I never knew I could be so persistent in Breast Feeding. I just want to give the best to Baby Belle. I am not a person who can stand even the tiniest pain which is why I never did like facial or getting my wounds clean up. I wonder how on Earth I get the courage to fill up nearly half of my upper body with tattoos. You are right! Clog duct, injured nipples and breasts as hard as stone. I nearly scream in
tears when the Urut Kakak tried to unclog it.
The quantity I got out of breast feeding and pumping is disappointing. And yet, many new mommies are showing off their breast milk supplies on social media. Their breast milk supplies can filled up the whole fridge. I felt depressed. After that, I keep telling myself that no matter what, I shouldn’t give up. I just need to feed Baby Belle. I don’t have store up breast milk but just need to make sure that I can feed her with my fresh breast milk.
Breast feeding journey is not convenient for a working mommy like me. Leaking, getting your bras wet, breasts pain and the likes. Many people discourage me with direct latching, saying that I shouldn’t let Baby Belle latch too much or else it will be hard for her to get rid of this habit. I try to give her 100% breast feeding but sometimes life is cruel. If I don’t have time to pump or if the people who takes care of Belle wasted my milk, then I had to feed her with formulas.
Speaking about this, I am disgusted with people wasting my precious breastmilk. It is already tough enough to have to maintain regular pumping with limited quantity. And yet, people can easily throw my milk away. Every drop counts okay? I want to maintain direct latching because this is what Belle wants. I may not be the best Mommy but this is the least I could do for her. Hence, I have to sacrifice my outings (especially at night) and me-time. It is tough but this is life. We just need to make some adjustments and that’s it!
I enjoyed the feeling of having my daughter close to me, especially during latching. I am also thankful that my job is kinda flexible and that I am able to spend more time with her. I really don’t like to leave her alone when she needed her Mommy close to her. Sometimes when I got back late, I heard her crying and screaming, searching for my nipple. Two months has been great! Let’s look forward to see your growth.
Stay tune for Baby Belle’s 3rd month!
Dive right into your calling... 
When I become mummy one day, I’ll definitely come back here. You write in details, I have learned so much. Thanks, V.
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You are most welcome! I also love to read and learn from other mommies too. This blog is also for me to read when I am old. I am trying to clear all my backlogs so might forget or missed out some details.
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