As I pen down some thoughts on Vpowermommy’s Facebook Page this morning, my thoughts just flow and I have so much to write about this topic. I didn’t want to just update this on Facebook only as it might ended up like Friendster (meaning everything would be disappear along with it). So I better save this meaningful piece on my blog to read it during my old age.
“Life doesn’t come with a manual, it comes with a Mother”
This wall of “love” gives me a sense of satisfaction. Just by looking at it, it dawns to me I am already a mother and my journey is still at the beginning stage. I never wanted to openly discuss about “Motherhood” because everyone is different and every child is unique. Since “Parent’s month’ is coming, I thought I better pen down something to remember during my old age.
Motherhood is never easy. From the day you conceived, you started worrying. You worry throughout the whole pregnancy, you experiences discomforts and having to go through so many injections and pain to bring your baby to the World. Seeing so many mothers who has to go through unfortunate events like miscarriages, stillborn and “SIDS”, my heart aches for them and I get goosebumps. It could be ME. The Hubs always ask me to maintain a positive mindset. Yes, I am not always a negative person but there are a lot of “What If’s”. What if God decided to take my baby away? What if this and what if that. Don’t even bother to ask a mother to not worry about the unnecessary because you can never understand the heart of a mother. A mother is emotional. I tears a lot during my pregnancy and I am not ashamed of that. I don’t want to take things for granted because I know anything can happen as everything has been planned out by God. I just want to treasure this moment.
When your baby arrives, it is a whole new situation. Babies ain’t cute when they were born so don’t tell me how adorable they are. They looked like “boiled tomatoes”. Their features will show gradually. You and I know how fresh and light hearted we felt upon seeing our baby for the first time. All of a sudden you feel that you would give her your world. Suddenly you are overwhelmed and your heart is filled with love. That’s how I felt when I held my baby for the first time (skin to skin contact). You feel like your life is completed. Then motherhood begins, you never get tired looking at your baby daily. Apart from drooling all over your newborn and how adorable he or she looks, you have to be mentally prepared that your newborn would grow up. They won’t be this cute forever. They, too will arrive at the naughty and annoying stage where you feel like slapping them and asking them to shut up. Everyday I have to ask myself if I will still have the patience to deal with my daughter at every stages. Will I still stay sane?Will I still love her the same? The answer has to be “Yes”. I gave birth to her and she is my responsibility. Nothing is easy so I don’t want to share only the rainbows but not the storms. Like it or not we have to deal with it and face it like a champion. I don’t want to be negative too but this is the real motherhood that we have to embrace.
My next step would be learning how to be a good Mother. There are just endless things to learn and test try along the way. Belle just turns 10th month and she is already at that curious stage where she wants to touch anything and bite almost everything. Her characters is starting to show and gosh, she is not a patient baby. It is driving me berserk sometimes. Sometimes I also feel like shouting at her. But you know what, she is not a Pinocchio or a doll. I am not expecting her to stay still without throwing tantrums. I know sometimes unintentionally I may be expecting too much from her, thinking that she understands what’s yes or no. I may unintentionally expecting her to grow up. The question is, how do I deal with this? You know I am not a patient lady too. There are many times when I just don’t know what I should do. There are also times when I just wish for 2 undisturbed hours for me to settle my tasks, especially those with datelines. As a mother, I don’t have a personal life anymore. If you ask me, do I want to trade this for my freedom again? My answer would a a million times NO. I am grateful and thankful that God selected me to a mother. It is a holy gift and I am not trading this for anything else in the world. I cannot be a perfect Mother but I can give my best to Belle and my future kids.
Here is the thing, people would throw cold water on you and discourages you. Sometimes, your closest kin would be that person that kills your confident. I am here to encourage you that you should just stick to what you think you should do. There is no perfect solution in how to raise your kids. You just raise them according to your best. From breastfeeding till Baby Led Weaning, till what kind of shampoo and diapers I selected for Belle, everyone sure has their own piece of mind and I don’t blame them for that. Even I also have my own point of view. To my own mother, I can just answer back and tell her what I think. To others, I can only smile and say “Thank you very much”. You just have to filter out and learn from trials and errors. Always remember this, every mothers just want the best for their kids.
So long my baby is healthy and happy, that’s all I want. I didn’t mean to write this long but I just feel like letting this thought flows freely.
To all mothers out there, continue to do your best. You are not alone in this journey. Cheers
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