BIG 30

Hello dearies,

Happy 30th Birthday to me. I am back this soon because May 2020 is coming to an end and I badly wanted to get this post out before we enter June 2020. I believe most of us have resume back to our work stations respectively. From the implementation of “Movement Control Order” from 18th March 2020 till now, so many things have changed. Government changing rules and terms daily, leaving citizens devastated and exasperate because we are uncertain of what would become of us. The World is unsafe. What I meant by unsafe is not only due to Covid-19 but how economics down turn has resulted in the increasing of crimes’ rate. I truly hope our Government can take into considerations by enhancing further our security force. Or else, we can only pray for a safer World. Two months is not too long nor too short but certainly enough to make a big difference. Daily routine is different for me now. We have to adapt ourselves to the new norm, new “Standard Operating Procedures”, and new culture. Once upon a time, my life is like Hans Solo (A lone ranger), working alone, free to travel outdoor, breathing the not-so-fresh-air, and meeting contractors (surprisingly, I missed them). Now that I have to wear mask like a ninja, avoiding crowded places and not allowed to travel outdoor, time just stand still for me. I have finally relented and accept how the situation is like although unwillingly. Like I mentioned earlier, the World doesn’t owe me anything. I have been transferred to the Sales Department for 6 month (That’s what they said but I am uncertain). As long as we are able to keep my daughter safe from harms and still able to bring food to our mouths, I am okay. Will I be okay? Yes, I would love to believe that I am going to be okay, although the annoying sentimental part of me is uncertain. UNCERTAIN. That’s the exact word I am looking for. I am certainly uncertain. I can’t imagine what’s life for me in the coming 6 months or 10 years. You can’t blame me for that because everything is so unclear now. I have lost all the beautiful rainbows that I once could pictured so perfectly. My dear, I am not sounding depressing alright? I am just reacting according to how my heart is overwhelmed by all these. Everyday, I am feeling as if I am just scrapping through the day. My greatest joy is seeing my Belle after work, playing with her and singing to her for that few hours before we turn in for the night. Then everything would repeat again day by day.

This post will definitely be a lengthy (Not-really-that-lengthy-la) post because I am just going to pour out all the thoughts that I have been keeping on my mind. Sorry about that but I promised you that everything would be authentic. I won’t miss out anything. I have been thinking a lot recently. In the midst of battling with my inner self about accepting what I don’t like and the unwilling heart to leave Belle at home, it got me thinking endlessly. Since I came back to work, I prefer to stay alone. I enjoyed being alone so much that people around me are suspecting that I might be having anxiety or depression. That’s not exactly the case. Whenever I am deep in my thoughts, I’ll automatically turn on my “You-better-stay-far-away-from-me” mode or I’ll bite you. My face would look tense, deep and angry. I am not really angry but I just want to spend time with just my thoughts and I. It is like when you are engrossed in a movie or reading a book, then someone come and disturb you. How would you feel? Pissed off right? It is the same for me. Maybe this new norm suits me after all because I pretty much enjoy time alone. I can’t figure out when did I start enjoying time alone but it sure did help me to generate my thoughts and content well.

Turning 30 is like unlocking the next chapter of my life. I have just hit a milestone and now I am rewriting a whole new chapter. I guess this is just how life is. The closure of one chapter and the beginning of another. I promised that I’ll be 200% transparent in this post. I want it to be a reminder for me 10 years later to see if I am still this sentimental girl who laugh and cry as I typed out all these. How about my dreams? Have I achieve them all? What’s your dreams? Will you share it with me? Let me take you through a series of my favorite quotes from DISNEY! I have decided that this is how I want my post on BIG 30 to be. I shall first bold and underlined the quotes then I’ll elaborate my thoughts. Let’s get down to business because we have a long long way to go ( I swear I was singing while typing this).

“The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique”

This post is not going to be like my usual birthday posts as I want to make it Disney-related. Disney’s quotes has been my greatest inspiration when I am down. Hence, I want to summarize my thoughts with whatever Disney’s quotes that comes in to my mind. I feel that this would be a special post for me as I have just achieved a milestone. BIG 30 doesn’t happen all the time. I am never going to get another chance to celebrate this day again. This decade (from my 20 to 30) has been a blessing. Many things has happened and yet some of my greatest memories are written in the midst of it. One of my biggest highlight for this decade is becoming a Mama. It has always been my dream to become a Mama. Thank God I get to become one before I turns 30. Not the age that I thought I would be as I always thought I would either get married by age 25 or stay single for the rest of my life. I kid you not. Not too long after I turned 26, I made up my mind to stay single for the rest of my life. I kid you not. I really did thought of that because I realized I actually do enjoy time alone. Looks like God always have His plans after all. In fact I always tell Bro-sy that I think I have a short life span and I won’t live past 30. All thanks to Him, I get to enjoy all the luxuries now. This lead me to another aspect. I am like Elsa from Frozen 1 and Frozen 2. I don’t know who I am and i always want to find out who I really am. People and friends always have their own versions of VIOLA. Some say I could be gay whilst some say I am very open-minded. Yes and No maybe but I am very open to sexual orientation for I respect and love people for who they are. Let’s not get me started on this topic because I would be able to write pages of it. I have many friends (guys and girls) who are gay but I don’t freaking mind at all. I am an asexual but who are you to judge me? We all have our own lives and choices. I am not going to despite you even if you are a girl and love girls. I am not even going to judge you if you are a guy and is a bisexual. I mean “Love is Love”, even though from a conservative point of view, this is not the right thing. But then again, what do you want me to do? Ignore that person or stop hanging out with them? You think they are bad influences? Come on, my friends are gay and they are still the nicest person with the most sincere personalities. Just because they don’t follow the norms doesn’t make them any lesser than your definitions of a normal human. This is who they are and they are beautifully created by the Almighty. God says we must love people. I might be a lesbian (Which I used to think I am but I am not la) too which I personally don’t mind being one (I am happily married now) as long as I am truly happy. I am a weird person who loves listening to stories and have crazy imagination. I am created to be this way and I am proud of who I am. Don’t you dare to judge me or any of my loved ones (family and friends).

“It is kind of fun to do the impossible”

God’s creation is a wander to me, let alone how a woman’s body can produce milk. Even the Hubs is amazed when he saw the resemblance of breast milk and formulae milk. I can’t believe I have been giving breastfeeding for almost a year. My supplies are low. Therefore, I don’t store breast milk at home. Many a time, I thought my supply is going to end and I feel sad about it because I would miss breastfeeding and latching time terribly. Surprisingly, Belle survives with my breast milk and very little formulae milk till this day. When The Hubs asked me what do I want for my birthday present this year, I told him I have already gotten myself jewelries made out of my own breast milk. He was sweet enough to pay me back the amount which I have paid for the jewelries. One of the design is the ring you have just seen above. The other two are pendants which I kept one in the box and wore one daily. I am thankful for jewelries makers who can transform my breast milk into something which I can keep as remembrance for life. One day, I am going to pass these to Belle and my future kids (If I do have more) and tell them that their Mama was stubborn enough to hang on to breast feeding even though many people discouraged her. “Mama is so proud of herself for hanging on which resulted in me having my healthy kids”. Every Mamas’ has their own personal journey to tell so each story is unique. You go all out and inspire people with your own personal stories. Don’t be afraid to share your stories because you will never know 10 years from now, who will be inspired and touched by our little voices. I always admire women who would speak their minds and is not afraid of any consequences. Dare to dream, dare to accept.

“The most important thing is the family. If you can keep the family together – and that’s the backbone of our whole business, catering to families – that’s what we hope to do”

They said “two is better than one”. Whether I am gay or not, I don’t believe in staying alone forever. I still need someone who would share my joys and sorrows. Someone who could appreciate musicals with me. Someone who would create magical moments with me. Another highlight of my decade is being married to my best friend – The Hubs. The Hubs is not the most romantic man but he will always try his best to fulfill my nonsense. He never once goes against my wills. We are both average (not-like-those-five-figures-type) paid workers with little savings as our commitments are crazy high. But one thing that I am most grateful about is, despite The Hubs having his own problems, he never fails to make me the happiest girl in the World. This year, we couldn’t be in my most magical place on Earth – Disney Land but that’s alright. One day (I am super duper sure), we will definitely be there. Speaking of The Hubs, he is good looking (at least to me, he is la) and have nice personalities. I still can’t believe it is almost three years since we got together, got married and have Belle. We go together like “Beauty and the Beast”. One is always dreaming of adventures in the great wide somewhere and the other one is rather old-fashioned. He doesn’t understand my love for books and magical dreams. The Hubs is an honest, down to earth person who loves me wholeheartedly. Even though we often argue because our thoughts are so different, but we know we wouldn’t want to trade this life for anything else. I am looking forward to so many magical adventures with my little family.

PS: The Hubs is aware of how upset I am for not being able to go to Disney Land. Therefore he called up M2 Cafe a few days in advance to make sure it is open before he propose to take me there. We had a jolly good time with nice themed food and so much cuteness in a meal. I were even ready to kick start with the “Take-all-my-money” moment because all the merchandises are so tempting. It is really hard for a Disney Crazy girl like me.

“For every laugh, there shall be a tear”

I am dead serious when I said I don’t have friends but I have family. People come and go in my life. For the past decade, I have made new friends through different channels such as Uni life, work place, church, choir and many more. I appreciate all of them even though some don’t return the same “love” to me. Some friends just don’t like me from the start. Some just couldn’t put up with my upfront attitude. Some friends just don’t contact much whilst some just don’t bother to keep in touch. Some friends deserted me because of eenie meanie tiny issues. Some just disappear and not talking to me without even explaining. Some are even “hebat”, pass by you also pretend that you never exists. That’s great because we can finally see their true colors. Am I upset? I would be lying if I said I am not sad but I learn to deal with it so I am okay now. My Mother is always scolding me about putting too much trust in friends and letting people take advantages (not sexual type la) of me. She said I am always the generous type from young and wouldn’t mind treating friends and choosing really nice gifts for them. Whenever they asked for help, I wouldn’t even think twice and went all out. But when it is my turn who needed help, no one would bother to do the same for me. She always commented that I am naive and dump. To be frank, I don’t feel this way because I am a Christian and we learn to not expect anything in return for our kindness. I didn’t feel angry because of the time and effort I have spent on failed friendships. Instead, I find that this is a good life long lesson for me. For now, I am contented with just a few people in my life. I called them my family. We quarrel bitterly sometimes and we don’t always feel nice about each others but this is family. We still love one another no matter how much we fight. And we will definitely fight again for as long as we live. I will be there for you just like how you guys are there for me. I am very open to meeting new friends as long as you are sincere. This is me. I’ll stand by you whenever you need me. It always amaze me to see how different people can come together as one. I love this picture because these people made my dream come true. Thank you so much for the lovely Disney’s theme birthday celebration. It sure feels good to be loved and appreciated by friends whom you called family.

*Translation: Great

“Laughter is timeless, imagination has no age, dreams are forever”

You might have seen pictures, IG stories and updates from both my Instagram and Facebook on how I celebrated my 30th Birthday. I really love how this bunch of people set up the place and make it a Disney one for me. Thank you so much everyone for your lovely wishes from different platforms. I hope I didn’t miss out any wishes as I vow to reply all your wishes and thank you personally. Again, there are two types of reaction to my so-called birthday party (which doesn’t even exceed 20 pax). Some reacted poorly by saying I am too high profile during this “Conditioned Movement Control Order”. Some even said I am burning myself away during this economics’ crisis and I should be more thrifty. May I remind you that I did not spend a single cent for my birthday? I was blessed by all these. Plus I am thankful that all these people made an effort by making me happy. Instead of wishing me “Happy Birthday”, why are you so concern about my wallet? It is okay to judge me but don’t pour cold waters on people who made efforts by making me happy. I would pretty much appreciate if you could just wish me sincerely or just don’t comment anything (because I am not expecting Asians like you guys to be so open-minded anyway). I always heard these kind of things from a third party and it is really pissing me off. For the last time, I would really really and really appreciate if you could just speak to me directly if you have an issue. I am not a superstar so you really don’t have to discuss about me behind my back. If you are curious to know how many people are there during the event or how much we have spent, just come and ask me. Come on, I am a friendly person. Some people are just too sensitive because you somehow cannot accept the truth and honest remarks written by upfront people like us. Even though, deep down inside, you know all these are true.

“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them”

Birthday wishes? I have no ideas where would I be or what would I be doing 10 years from now. I don’t want to start writing resolutions because I have already listed them down here (You could read them here) at the beginning of the year. Instead of just wishing the standard ones, I thought I would end this post by listing down my birthday wishes with, YES, you are right, Disney’s quotes. This is important to me as I won’t get another chance to go back to BIG 30. I want to make this post a place I would come back frequently when I am lost somewhere and needed encouragements. It is like I am crafting the beginning of a story and I am excited to see where this story will leads me to.

Here are some of my birthday wishes (In the form of Disney’s Quotes)

1. “First, Think. Second, Believe. Third, Dream. And finally, Dare”
2. “Whatever you do, do it well”
3. “Everyone falls down. Getting back up is how you learn how to walk”
4. “It is kind of fun to do the impossible”
5. “When you believe in a thing, believe it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable”
6. “You reach a point where you don’t work for money”
7. “The era we are living today is a dream of coming true”
8. “I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter”
9. “The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing”
10. “If you can dream it, you can do it”

I KNOW! I can see all the question marks on your head. You can’t imagine the elaboration part of it and so am I. But I am a dreamer and I want to encourage everyone out there to start dreaming. I am not turning you into a Disney Crazy but I want to inspire you to start dreaming. Here is a toast to everyone and anyone who come across this blog post.

Lastly, I want to write this short message to myself.

“Happy 30th Birthday Viola!! Thank you for making it this far. A decade is not too long but it is definitely enough to shape you into who you are today. Mark my words! Be real and don’t stop being who you are. Be that upfront girl who speaks your mind and kick the asses of anyone who dare to bring you down. I am not asking you to start picking a fight but rather, stay firm to what you think is right. No one can kill that little girl in you. Be as crafty as you can and create your own magic! I would love to see how far you have gone in time to come. I’ll be waiting for you at the other end. Love you! ” – From the other part of you.

Thank you for reading! Stay blessed!

Loads of loves,

Viola