We are entering the sixth day of 2021. How are you getting along with it? What are you expecting for 2021? Instead of feeling excited about reviewing my resolutions for last year, I tend to take things a little tad slower than before. Usually by now, I would have a whole list of resolutions made, lamenting and making excuses on why some of my resolutions couldn’t be achieved. Resolutions – A term to keep me moving forward. At least to me, this is the main purpose. If you are looking for something motivating, I am warning you that this might be the wrong place to you. Viola has always been a vocal person and I am trying hard to keep things real even though the World would condemn me or push me to the edge to tell me that I should have sugar coat things. GO somewhere else if you don’t feel like hearing the truth. This post is about ME and for me to refer back years later!
Year 2020 has taken a toll on all of us as we are forced to take things slow. Which is perfect for me as 2020 has given me more time spent with Belle and my family. No traveling. No staycations. No parties for show. No meaningless hang outs. Nothing. Just me and my family which is liberating. These are some of the moments which I am truly thankful for. Family is very important to me. Earning money is equally important to but nothing could replace quality time spent with family. New job scope due to management decision is also something that I have accepted whole-heartedly because it is not like there is anything else I could do right? Get this right, I am sick of having people misunderstanding my words, talking behind my back or disliking me for no particular reasons which is totally something I cannot control. Thank you very much to friends and family who accepted me for who I am. Here is something you probably are not aware of, my expression is like a reflecting mirror of your attitudes toward me. Absolutely zero desires to fight nor compete with anybody so please just let me work within my job scope. People would usually jumped into a conclusion and perceived that I am an outgoing person who loves gatherings and parties. Maybe I used to be like that but life is a joke at times. Didn’t you know that life goes on differently as you enter different stages? Like it or not, we have to gracefully accept whatever life throws at you. The fact is, I only open up to people I am comfortable with. Don’t get personal. I have absolutely nothing against anyone nor do I hate anyone. As age is catching up on me, I prefer being alone. Certainly don’t feel weird sitting alone in the midst of noisy crowds and being drown in my own thoughts. Life is not a bed of roses. We have our fair shares of struggles. Let’s not make our short stay on this Earth any tougher than you can bear.
Before this, anxieties would always strike me because I get pissed off or loses my cool when things don’t turn out the way I have planned. Want to get a picture of how my daily life looks like? You are in! Waking up at 6.30am daily, getting myself ready, did my laundries, getting Belle ready, went downstairs for breakfast, made coffee for prayers, filling up our water bottles, packing my breastfeeding bag and getting ready to go out. The time is now 8.30am when I started my car engine. Would rush to my work place as I like to pray before work. Set it as something compulsory because it just feels right this way. By the time I settled down in my work place, I barely just made it on time. What is this? Every day is seemingly like a battle race for me. The Hubs always said I took too long to get ready. Well, do you have better suggestions? Waking up early is definitely not an option. Tried waking up at 6am but I arrived at my work place sharp at 9am. Guess we dawdle too much? The Hubs would always request for extra time to snooze and winks. By the time he got out of bed, it is already 8am. This year, we need to force ourselves to be learn to be punctual. This isn’t me before marriage and motherhood. I am the most punctual person and would always arrive at any appointments half an hour to one hour earlier. My motto is – It is better to wait for others than to give other people an opportunity to wait for you.
What do you know about New Year resolutions? Does it ring a bell to you? How many of us actually spend time to really think through what we want to achieve before you list them down? Resolutions were not meant to be written in vain. Do we actually fulfil all our resolutions within a year? Or do you write them just to feel good about yourself and maybe because everyone else around you is doing it. Has it ever occur to you that some goals can never be achieved within a year? Ironic isn’t it? You spend so much time writing them down, getting them out on social media but only to refer to them once a year. Well, majority of us don’t even remember what we have written for the past year. Heck it. My memories are depleting and it is hard to remember every single details. Who cares about last year’s resolutions when we can make new ones right? Then we move on to making new resolutions for this brand new year. Everything will repeat again like a cycle. Look, I am not here to teach you the proper ways to write your resolutions. Just sharing my inner thoughts because sometimes, I, too can be a contradicting person. Accepting one thing and try the hardest to psycho myself into taking the other route. What a little half-half I am. Have a read at some of my resolutions from last year and the summation of what I want to enhance further for year 2021.
Writing is the best remedy
First thing first, you need to know the core purpose of why you want to have resolutions? What kind of personalities are you? Are you a discipline person or do you need to rely on resolutions to help you to keep going? I do need them. Which led to the reason why I have so many note books to scribble my list of things-to-do. As much as I want to kick start this year with a brand new note book, but I do have too many unfinished note book. The problem with me is that, I am not a discipline person when it comes to keeping a fixed routine. When I was 8 years old, I am able to maintain my consistency in writing my diary every day without fail. Now that I am older, I couldn’t even keep up with my writing for three months straight. One of the biggest goal for year 2021 is to write down things I am grateful for daily. Need to learn to find little ways to help me to stay positive and happy. Writing can calm me down. Once in a blue moon, I’ll get days when I feel extremely down and nothing I can do to make it right. Come on, let’s be realistic. Nobody is perfect. It is perfectly okay to be not okay. When we are down, we need to find ways to lift up our spirit again. Some people would go for a nice meal, spend money on things we like, or even just sleep it through. Occasionally I would do some of those. It could be satisfying but definitely not durable in the long run. To me, writing is the best remedy. Strangely, it takes a lot of effort to keep this blogging thing going. Like how often should I update per month? How many readers do I have? It dawned to me that I don’t need a vast audience to read my thoughts. So long that I have one loyal reader, my passion for writing would be long lasting.
The Hubs don’t like to listen to my complaints. Therefore, I learn to accept that I actually don’t really mind if he doesn’t respond or give me my desired answer. In fact, I already knew the answer. Just needed someone to talk to. Back in my University life, I cultivate the habit of typing long and proper message. Those without short form, without emoji’s and without abbreviation. It is not hard. Receiver would think I am long winded. Do I care? No. I do think it is important that we bring out our messages properly. Today, I always write letters to myself. Writing my diary is like talking to an old friend. Unmasked and authentic.
Oh my! This is the toughest resolution I have ever made if compared to the rest. Why? You know how much I love to spend and buy stuffs. Lacking of organizing skill doesn’t help at all for a person like me. My mom is always nagging and scolding me regarding this, threatening to not stay with me just because I have too much stuffs. Oh, moms are like that. You’ll get used to it. In my case, decluttering is very important because I would be so overwhelmed with all the stuffs filling up most part of my room that it makes me breathless. Then I would be extremely pissed off. Well, who likes getting shouted? Tried my utmost best to stay tidy. As mentioned earlier, my organizing skill sucks. To me, I am already trying very hard to categorize them. If I throw most stuffs away, my mom would say I am wasting money and shouldn’t have bought so much. Well, you know. A lot of “What if’s”. Can’t blame her. She is suffering from “Obsessive Compulsive Disorder” (OCD). Trust me, I really do understand how she felt. It is just that she needs to understand that everyone has different levels of tidiness and neatness. Don’t say things like “You see, that’s why I don’t want to live with you guys”. Kind a hurtful okay? Alright, back to my resolution. This year, I want to focus on “Decluttering”. Nobody can stop me from buying stuffs but surely I can do donate most unused items away. I don’t think anyone would want to buy my pre-loved. The Hubs has given me the green light to revamp my current room. Excited as I am, there are a lot of things we need to get rid of. Making sure to stay close on the line – MINIMAL. Yes. I want to have a clean room with only things that I loved. Won’t be getting rid of my Disney items. Instead, I will focus on donating my items away and keeping things pleasing to my eyes.
Always am REAL. Just that it is not approved by judgmental people. Who does? Fake, double standards, full of jokes, stubborn, arrogant, proud and whatsoever you want to call me. Oh really? I am a Disney Princess who can cut you anytime by my words. Not that I am doing it on purpose. But hey, people just don’t like to listen to the truths nor accepting the reality. What’s worst, they cannot even bear watching you happy or bliss. Like seriously? What have I done to you? I never want to be in the limelight because nobody worth my attention to compete. Whatever tasks given to me, I will do it whole-heartedly. Results will always prove my strength. Don’t come and find faults about what I do, what I eat, what I wear and all. And please, I am describing this in a general manner. Not indicating anybody or directly pin-pointing at anyone. Don’t send me private messages to plead me to delete any posts or discussing behind my back. Am really sick of this World and how stupid it is. You literally transformed a confident little girl into a person who is afraid to show her strengths. Why? Because people would say you are a show off. In reality, it is just me performing my job. Anyone would have done the same. Family and friends are worried about me. They asked me not to be too vocal even though it is a plain fact. Relatively, I believe it is going to be the same whether I am vocal or not. Why would people think I am a threat when they are so many outstanding individuals in this World? You think I am contented with raise paid, higher position and being in the limelight? Well, you are so wrong. My goal is to be the CEO in my own universe. Which includes taking care of my family, nurturing my kids, checking off all my to-do list, and setting foot on my favorite place on Earth aka DISNEYLAND. Trust me, my words will still sting you toxic people. You think I care? I won’t care a penny on how you feel because I always mention from the start that this is about me and no one else. Either you read it sincerely or you could just close the tab and move on with your life.
This year, I will focus on my self-growth. Learning all I can about etiquettes, slowly implementing it into my daily life. What a pity that I couldn’t carry on with my Japanese Language. One of my goals is to pick up another language. Oh well, maybe I would do self-learning instead of spending money for classes. Will give myself three years from now to focus on improving myself. Be in physically or mentally, nobody can go against my will.
This. One of the topic I rarely talked about. 10 years ago, I pour my heart and soul into sowing for the Lord and His Kingdom. Go against my parents will to get baptized in Perth. Thus, I was labelled as the rebellious kid who will someday regret my decision. You want to know what? I don’t. I know God and how He has spoken to me. Being able to lead worship is one of the greatest gift He has bestowed to me. But God, I am a sinner, overwhelmed by this World. Along the journey, I lost myself and couldn’t seems to hear Your call nor serve your Kingdom anymore. Why does this happened? My sister-in-Christ told me that she hated my job because it took me away from the church. Yet, I can’t lose my source of income. I still believe in the Lord. No doubt. Here and then, my soul still cries out for You. Hearing those worship songs that I played in my car is both liberating and calming.
One of the biggest takeaway I have learnt throughout these past 5 years is “Respect”. We know God and Idols or not, we will know it when the day comes. Growing myself spiritually is a lifelong journey but I am taking it slowly. Just like what I am doing now, drowning myself in Disney’s instrumental whilst I am typing this.
Sparkles for the family
You probably would have known by now that during the last quarter of 2020, I kick start with our Disney Magic Moments. The whole idea is to do it together as a family. Ideas just keep flowing but it is hard to gather them all as most of the creations need time. Wanted to be maintain the consistency of coming up with a Disney project at last once or twice per month. Not easy to keep up but I learn that the most important thing is to keep the ideas alive. Love seeing the end products (pictures) of my creations. I always love making arts and crafts. Hence, I find joy in creating this. Also, I am starting to really think of which direction do I head to for the coming three year. My Instagram and Facebook is full of products sharing, family pictures and thoughts. However, I don’t have a niche. Again, organizing skill is what I am lacking with.
Target market for Disney is not large in Malaysia. Plus, we are nowhere near any Disney’s properties. It is definitely hard to meet like-minded people. However, I still want to keep this project going. Who cares if my content is nothing similar nor authentic? It is still an effort to keep my family going. We are happy. The Hubs and I would have a good laugh at how silly we looked. Belle is still young but she will get it a few years later. I want my children to look back and said to us “Twas was fun! What is the next project?”
Yes. Our very own Disney Magic Moments! Let’s go for it!
Basically, these are what I would like to share with you guys. My little goals or so-called resolutions to kick start with the year.
Year 2020 is not a good year to start with but we are still alive and breathing whilst some people unfortunately loses their loved ones. Look, I am not trying to teach you how to be saint. You do you and feel exactly how you want to feel. Nothing beats staying true and honest to yourself. Don’t let anyone bring you down or let them tell you otherwise. These people definitely have nothing better to do. To those who believes in me and chose to stay, thank you very much. A simple gesture like this can be really motivating to me. Been blogging since 2007 and I can never feel happier being able to voice out freely like this. For the past two years, I took the courage to brave out my cave to spread these thoughts across. As you can guess, the responses are both positive and negative. There is only one conclusion – I will continue to stay vocal.
To 2021, let’s just take things slow and enjoy every moments. Be it rain or shine, we shall brave through this together! Thank you very much. To you, and you and the rest of you for sticking around with me. Although I may be a pain in your ass at times. But hey, thank you very much. Let’s hope the coast can be cleared soon so that we can all run about freely again. See you around! Happy 2021! Stay safe and blessed!